the poses of defaults.

i like to categorize things, if you haven't noticed. i have ocd, it happens. far too much for my liking, actually. so, after extensive research on myspace, (aka 5 minutes of looking at ridiculous people on the homepage. they're giving out ideas like candy.) i've decided to dedicate today's post to the poses of default photos.

clearly, cropping a normal photo of you and making it your default is sub par now a days. you need to overachieve and edit the living daylights out of it so people don't recognize you when they see you in person. so learn from the champions below. i suggest taking notes, but that's just me.

disclaimer: i do not know these people. not one bit. if you know any of them, if you are related to them, if they are your best friend's step cousin on the father's side of the family twice removed, if they look like your bagger at heb, or if they look like your grandfather at age 18, i apologize. don't take it personally. on the other hand, tell them to get a new default if you have any soul or have their best interest in mind.

the self hip shot.

no matter how much you try and crop it, everyone knows you still took this by yourself. it takes away major sass points. for all i know, you most likely put the camera on the top of your dresser, turned on the self timer, and then turned on the sass. but in the end, you are still alone. by yourself. solo. solitude. alone.

the "i love my boyfriend/girlfriend" so much shot.

again, everyone knows for a fact that you are the ones taking this picture. therefore, you are not candid. "lets take a picture of us kissing, okay honey?" if this is the guy's default photo, there is a 97% chance the girlfriend forced him to make it his default to fend off all the desperate girls that would destroy their relationship. he also becomes an easy target and there is a 100% chance i will make fun of him. if it's the girl's default photo, she's too obsessed with her boyfriend. therefore, they will break up soon.

the highly saturated shot.

honey bear, people can't even see your face when you edit it this much. you look like the phantom of the opera, or you're walking around with a sheet on your head. to prove i'm human, i suffered this syndrome when i was about 12. here is a difference between photo editing and editing to where all i see is your black eye makeup and drawn on eyebrows, which are great, by the way. did you use a stencil? teach me how.

the mirror shot.

these are my favorite. you are in a mirror. you are taking a photo of yourself in the mirror. this is 412 times worse than taking a photo of yourself. it's like, rock bottom took an elevator to the earth's mantle.

why do i say mantle? because here is when the elevator goes down to the earth's core.

the mirror shot taken with a cell phone.

don't confuse the two. they're on completely different levels.

the accidental self shot.

"oh, how artsy that i have a picture of me looking down or away from the camera without me knowing. except i took of myself. how stealth am i?"

no. you're not. oh, and the picniked text at the bottom is an added bonus. two birds with one rant.

the reasons babies cry at night shot.

because this makes me want to pee myself too.

the harold pan shot.

because this should be everyone's default. it doesn't get old. ever.