gleek.

just like every other adolescent teenager, i am a huge gleek. not only is it one more show to keep me from getting any productive school work done, but seriously, this show is brilliant. they have petty romances to entice prepubescent preteens and simple thinkers, intelligent and witty insults from the one and only sue sylvester (who i aspire to be one day. i'm making progress) for the more intellectually stimulated mind, and songs and show tunes that everyone knows. glee songs are virtually played wherever i go throughout the day. when i'm feeling a little ghetto, play a little "hate on me" or "bust your windows" with some mercedes (who is my personal favorite.), a little shuester tunes for when i feel i need to be serenaded by an extremely attractive man, a little "like a prayer" for when i'm working out, or "bad romance" when i feel like being a diva. this show is so good that my dad watches it. and it takes quite a bit to get him out of his newspaper reading chair. congrats, glee. and here comes the breakdown of my favorites.

rachel berry.

an annoying piece of talent, daughter of shelby corcoran (spoiler alert. my b.), and the leader of the glee club, essentially. everyone loves to hate her. but she really is amazing. she should sing me to sleep every night. even though she already does with "don't rain on my parade."

"i'm like tinkerbell. i need applause to live."

noah puck.

there's really not much more to say than this picture. he's a stud bad-a manslut who gets any girl he wants. he doesn't really do anything else except look good and cause trouble all the time. and he plays guitar. my kind of man.

"dude, my bowels have better moves than you."

finn.

sorry for not knowing your last name off the top of my head. clearly, marrying you isn't the first thing on my mind. i'm not as obsessed with him and his autotuned voice as everybody else is. he also looks like he's passing a kidney stone when he tries to sing with emotion. i did enjoy him in a red skinny tie at sectionals though.

kurt hummel.

the only person who does the single ladies dance better than i do. not really. but seriously, he's a clear favorite. it's also blatantly obvious that the gaga episode was for him and only him, and i couldn't have enjoyed it more. he has better hair than i do, better moisturizing creams than i do, and a higher voice than i do. three strikes and i'm out. well, he's out, clearly.

"it make it hard to appreciate your talent because i want to shove a sock in your throat." to rachel. i rest my case.

"mercedes is black. i'm gay. we make culture."

mercedes jones.

my true favorite. any song she sings is gold, especially with that one wailing note that comes out at the end of every song. you know what i'm talking about. i would pay money to sing like her. i'd take away any "talent" i have, now that i think about it. what a diva star.

"oh hell to the no. look, i'm not down on this background singing nonsense. i'm beyonce, i aint no kelly rowland."

will shuester.

this man-teacher had me at the thong song, despite it being the most uncomfortable 3 minutes of my life. he's a perfect blend of justin timberlake and bradley cooper. i'm sorry, that's too much to handle.

sue sylvester.

i wish i could put into words how much i idolize this woman. i look forward to her presence, and can only hope that i could one day think of insults and witty comments as well as she does. i also wish i could pull off a tracksuit look now. but that stays between me and the whole internet world. she's the new chuck norris. i'm still waiting for a flashback episode of sue being the reason that artie is paralyzed from the waist down. it's a great possibility.

"oh hey, will. i thought i smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair."

"i just lost my train of thought because you have so much margarine in your hair."

"my parents were famous nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot."

brittany.

bless her heart. i'm so glad she's more important this season. she's as useful as a sack of rocks and has an iq of a newborn baby. you have to actually be paying attention for her hilarious side comments that never fail to reassure me that she's not any smarter than last week.

"i don't know how to turn on a computer."

"i had a cold and took all of my antibiotics at the same time and now i don't remember how to leave."

"i'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary."

"sometimes i forget my middle name."

and that's what you've missed on glee.