sorry about it.

sorry for not posting until now today. i know you have all been in distress because you didn't have something to entertain you during your 9-5 work hours and laugh at my embarrassing stories as a corporate nation. (laura edwards. but not to call anyone out.) you see, it's been a traumatic day. i hope you understand.

first, i went to walmart. this is an aneurism waiting to happen. i don't know what it is, but i hate walmart. i mean that as least diva-esque as possible. the thought of being there for more than 20 minutes just gives me a rash. it could be the fact that the people are supplying the store in foreign countries are working for 20 cents and hour. communists. anyway, i digress. i went shopping for scrubs to wear to haiti (which i leave sunday. wahoo!) and other things that i'll only be wearing for a week and leaving there. now, peopleofwalmart.com is a great place to roam around to get a feel of what i had encountered. i also found a few gems of my own. who said the gold rush was over? hoody hooooooo!

first matter of business, more power to you if you want to wash your hair with something called PLACENTA. i don't quite have a college degree yet, but i do know that has something to do with a woman having a baby and something afterbirth-y comes out and some celebrities keep it, bury it, eat it, i don't know. it's all weird. the miracle of life isn't that miraculous anymore. it also makes me terribly uncomfortable that a love note saying i heart bella - sissi. why? because my dog's name is bella and i call my sister sissy. pardon me for thinking that my sister writing a love note to my golden retriever on a shampoo bottle called placenta is a little off. sorry about it.

girl, work. the real point of the matter is when she turned around she had to have been at least 60 years old. i yelped out loud a little. also, when she wasn't leaning on this cart, this was her stance. her poor spine.

secondly, i went to the eye doctor. some people hate the dentist (whom i love.), some people hate shots (which i love more.), but i hate, hate, hate the eye doctor. i'd rather stick needles in my eyes before going to the eye doctor. hold on, that saying doesn't work in this instance. i'd delete that sentence, but i can't see clear enough to where the sentence begins and ends and i'm not the editing kind. i'd rather light myself on fire. and i hate fire. i take a sweating pill twice a day, you can imagine how much i hate the heat that fire emits. after having my eyes dilated bigger than my obsession with harold pan, i've been left blind for the rest of the day. mind you, i also had to give a speech. try being blind and reading bible verses about being against abortion when you have a few minutes to spare. the font size is also as large as it gets right now just to ensure i don't make embarrassing spelling errors, along with my iphone. which now has to be this size because of my saucers of pupils.

also, i hope you notice that i RAN INTO A RED BOX BECAUSE OF MY EYES. and that lela is in love, but that is neither here nor there. i ran into a red box. with someone at the red box. and my mom 1) said nothing to warn me 2) laughed. i'm handicapped here and traumatized that i had a suction cup on my eye from a lady named shakira.

in case you were wondering, you can make your iphone show size 62 text. you are welcome.

pardon me while i go wallow and repeatedly wash my hands. my new glasses are fogging up as i sob in my misery and i think i'm finally clean of all diseases that walmart shopping cart gave me.