as stated many times, i'm embarrassing and painfully awkward at times. i say a ton of embarrassing things or people miss my humor a little bit. and if that's wrong, i don't want to be right. although, there are quite a few things about my i pray that my kids don't inherit.
1) my ability to word vomit everywhere.
mi$$ bo$$. okay. if that doesn't give you a good idea, bless your heart. i hope that my kids have the ability to split a soap dispenser over two sinks. or just handle a person with terrifying tattoos. or just have a conversation in general. i'll teach them that while they are still in the womb. it is on the priority list.
2) my ability to burp on command.
it's nasty. and is a reason i'm still single, most likely. plus the dog bites, but that is neither here nor there.
3) my coordination.
i'm convinced that my few years of being left handed and then changing totally messed with my cerebellum. add a size twelve foot and throw me in a dark room and i'll have the power to knock over absolutely everything within 5 minutes.
4) my inability to stay home alone.
i hope they don't inherit this for my sake.
5) my inability to control my bladder.
i seriously still do not have this together. i also have no problem in saying that if you make me laugh hard enough, i will piddle myself just a little. it's like being pregnant and sneezing, it just happens. what are the most inconvenient places this has happened? oh, you know, just in the customs line at the airport, at a movie theater (this one was terrible. my friend's mom had to bring me shorts and i changed in a photo booth. i was 16. ugh.), in class, anywhere that is a public establishment, it goes on.
6) my obsession with harold pan.
it's really not healthy.
well, i hope my kids don't inherit this. and i hope you aren't judging too much. vulnerability + interweb = bold statement. simple math. then again, i should find a man first. i'm ahead of myself. well, shoot.
No comments:
Post a Comment