things i'm bad at.

today, i got contacts. hey, cool, i've joined the other 79% of our population. i don't think you were as bad at putting them in as i was, though. seriously, poor lady was like, you need to grab your eye lid. can you do that? you're not doing that. what did i say before? grab. your. lid. OKAY I WAS BORN WITH TINY TROLL EYES AND KNUBBY TROLL THUMBS. I'M WORKING ON IT. i'm a rookie here, compadre. 57 minutes later, i got them in. and had to take them out. and put them back in. i think i'm blind from it. i'd also rather be set on fire than touch my eyeball. seriously, it's gross. what sucks is the fact that i have to take them out in 90 minutes. can i not just live in them? i don't know if i can get them in again. i was legitimately trying to put them in and i asked the lady "did i get it?" and she goes "you dropped it about 3 minutes ago." well, neat. thanks for testing me.

then i started thinking, what else am i terribly terrible at? since i'm semi-blinded by scratching my eyes with my troll thumbs, this is going to be short, but i know you know how terrible i am at plenty of things.

zumba.

wahahaha, AM I BAD AT ZUMBA. i shimmy in all the wrong directions, and kick at all the wrong times. it's ha-lar-i-ous. it's like i have latin tourettes or something. ole. i was also the girl in the nutcracker that was about 2 counts ahead and jerking her arms everywhere. not my thang, goulet.

snarting.

done and done.

handling slightly awkward situations.

i should get a dollar every time i made a mi$$ bo$$ reference.

handling my obsession with harold pan.

i should get a dollar for this as well. i'm having HP withdrawals. i have to constantly thing, WWHPD? the answer: southwest airlines.

brushing my teeth with my right hand.

it's physically impossible. i should looking like i have manic rabies. might be from that dog bite from when i was a child. things i would pay money to see: myself brush my teeth while at zumba class. life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.