i went to summer school and all i got was this lousy photo of harold pan.

skip the witty intro. let's get to the point. this point is huge. the point of harold pan and 2 other thoughts i couldn't embellish into full posts regarding the things i learned in summer school.

i'll have you know i had the best friday ever. the best ending to summer school ever. why?

i got a picture with harold pan.

i don't know if you've ever gotten a picture with a celebrity, or how fulfilling it is knowing you now have proof that you two are now besties for the resties. harold and i are. this photo establishes it. if you are still uncertain that we are bff4lyfe, brace yourself.

because i got two pictures with harold pan.

you can start believing in miracles now. i do. there are angels among us. also, he growled during both of these. if you're not obsessed, you have no heart. or brain. i could care less that i look like i've been mangled by lions and have just woken up from a rip van winkle-style slumber. it's the point of the matter.

in case you didn't know, rainbow umbrellas are in. this can be added to my hcc fashions rants of what you should do, just because harold pan does it.

it has been officially established that this lady with the ambiguous age is actually 40 years old. i'm pretty sure her child is in our class too. i'm actually relieved, because it is now a compliment to her that i couldn't determine her age. it's also a good thing just in case she ever finds this blog. sorry about it.

i also wasn't shot by mi$$ bo$$ whenever i left the building. there is a god.

a case of the mondays.

[first and foremost, ask laura bergersen about how she got hives this weekend. actually, don't. i'm going to share with the whole internet world. laura bergersen got hives by sleeping on a carpet. just stab her with an epi pen when you see her. if that isn't weaksauce, i don't know what is.

laura bergersen's list of allergies

1) milk, dairy, cheese, lactose.

2) carpet. (shag is okay.)

3)cinnamon.

4) chocolate.

5) strawberries.

6) anesthesia.

7) small children.

8) rubber bands

9) anything with a pulse. ]

onto the true post of today,

i did more taking photos of terrible fashion around hcc. luckily for me, i didn't get caught this time. harold taught me how to be stealth. he's such a ninja.

first and foremost, hcc has greek life. i don't care what psi beta is, but i'm going to be a part of it. this sorority looks poppin'. i can't decide if the lady in the yellow in the back is the house mother or an active member. i can safely say that i'm okay with either situation. my only problem is, do i have to have a middle part to be in this? i just got over that like, a year ago.

this floor length jirt (jean-skirt, get with it.) had 2 snakes looking like they were slithering up to her waist. i. kid. you. not. if that's attractive, let me know. i'll bet when she walks they look like they're slithering. kind of like my mermaid tattoo that dances when i flex. which is all the time. (ps - how great did i do getting this picture? so nonchalant. thanks.)

popped collar? i wouldn't be surprised if she turned around and it had a huge hollister eagle or abercrombie moose on it. i'm just saying. maybe i'm just bitter because i could never fit into hollister, but that's just me. today i salute you, miss constant collar popper. you, bedecked in popped collar, teach me that i no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck. sure, your pink alligator polo may look lame to some, but know you are a special breed. crack open a fresh bottle of candy cologne, miss abercrombie. (or is it fitch?)

the situation got his hair cut since last week, but still uses the same amount of gel. this ratio is out of control and kind of makes me nauseous for 3 tables away.

scrunchie girl/mom. she throws me for a loop. i can't decide is she's 20 years old or 35-40. the scruchie obviously means she was alive in 1994, but that doesn't change much. her face is so ambiguous, but i'm determined to find out.

and i leave you with a game. how many times can you find the name arusha on this poster? there is a bonus one, as well. clearly, she's a big deal.

the poses of defaults.

i like to categorize things, if you haven't noticed. i have ocd, it happens. far too much for my liking, actually. so, after extensive research on myspace, (aka 5 minutes of looking at ridiculous people on the homepage. they're giving out ideas like candy.) i've decided to dedicate today's post to the poses of default photos.

clearly, cropping a normal photo of you and making it your default is sub par now a days. you need to overachieve and edit the living daylights out of it so people don't recognize you when they see you in person. so learn from the champions below. i suggest taking notes, but that's just me.

disclaimer: i do not know these people. not one bit. if you know any of them, if you are related to them, if they are your best friend's step cousin on the father's side of the family twice removed, if they look like your bagger at heb, or if they look like your grandfather at age 18, i apologize. don't take it personally. on the other hand, tell them to get a new default if you have any soul or have their best interest in mind.

the self hip shot.

no matter how much you try and crop it, everyone knows you still took this by yourself. it takes away major sass points. for all i know, you most likely put the camera on the top of your dresser, turned on the self timer, and then turned on the sass. but in the end, you are still alone. by yourself. solo. solitude. alone.

the "i love my boyfriend/girlfriend" so much shot.

again, everyone knows for a fact that you are the ones taking this picture. therefore, you are not candid. "lets take a picture of us kissing, okay honey?" if this is the guy's default photo, there is a 97% chance the girlfriend forced him to make it his default to fend off all the desperate girls that would destroy their relationship. he also becomes an easy target and there is a 100% chance i will make fun of him. if it's the girl's default photo, she's too obsessed with her boyfriend. therefore, they will break up soon.

the highly saturated shot.

honey bear, people can't even see your face when you edit it this much. you look like the phantom of the opera, or you're walking around with a sheet on your head. to prove i'm human, i suffered this syndrome when i was about 12. here is a difference between photo editing and editing to where all i see is your black eye makeup and drawn on eyebrows, which are great, by the way. did you use a stencil? teach me how.

the mirror shot.

these are my favorite. you are in a mirror. you are taking a photo of yourself in the mirror. this is 412 times worse than taking a photo of yourself. it's like, rock bottom took an elevator to the earth's mantle.

why do i say mantle? because here is when the elevator goes down to the earth's core.

the mirror shot taken with a cell phone.

don't confuse the two. they're on completely different levels.

the accidental self shot.

"oh, how artsy that i have a picture of me looking down or away from the camera without me knowing. except i took of myself. how stealth am i?"

no. you're not. oh, and the picniked text at the bottom is an added bonus. two birds with one rant.

the reasons babies cry at night shot.

because this makes me want to pee myself too.

the harold pan shot.

because this should be everyone's default. it doesn't get old. ever.

celebrities, part deaux.

celebrity rants. ready, go.

50 cent.

woah, fifty. fiddy. my man. skeletor. you're freaking me out. your mug shot looked better than this. i mean, tyra banks would say that your bone structure is exquisite, but then she'd go back to talking about her cellulite and her mama, so don't get too excited. manorexia doesn't look that good on you, g unit. i was born how much you weigh right now.

vienna girardi.

the time has come. jake and vienna have broken up. the cross eyed princess is out of the picture. the world is right again. also, the success rate of bachelor/ette couples staying together is still .9%. congrats trista and ryan and jason and molly. vienna's now lost everything. she lost her extensions to ali pedofile-towsky, and now her beyond obnoxious fiance. everybody can go back to listening to "on the wings of love" without vomiting in their mouth.

idina menzel.

rainbows, butterflies, and lollipops fly out of her mouth when she sings. or speaks. or breathes with her mouth open. literally. i'm obsessed with this woman. and she's married to taye diggs. insert jealousy here.

kristen stewart.

hey k-stew. you aren't so great at acting, but you probably know this. you always look like you are as uncomfortable as a hairless chihuahua thats trying to go to the bathroom in a snowstorm. yo quiero edward.

lance bass.

i just lol-ed all over my bib. i'm not saying i peed my pants, but i'm not not saying i peed my pants just by looking at this picture. and that is all that needs to be sad.

harold pan.

because he should be famous in your book, and it doesn't get old.

hcc.

as i said yesterday, i'm spending five golden weeks of my summer at hcc for 6 hours a day. if you're jealous, i commend you. you have no brain.
as much as i hate this place, i also love to hate it. i love to find people that amuse me. due to the need to be amused while sitting through four hours of physics, i have subconsciously sacrificed any social skills i've collaborated over the years. what i haven't lost, however, is the judgment of what is fashionably acceptable and what is deplorable. (by the way, how much is my vocabulary rocking today? every time i use an SAT caliber word, a baby is born. that's how often it's happening.) in just one day alone, i've been able to provide concrete evidence that people at hcc do not know how to dress. granted, i am dressed in texas nike shorts and a navy shirt, (so captain america and frat-tastic.) but this is a whole new level. you don't even know. you. just. don't.

guido hair.
pardon, the situation. your hair became socially unacceptable once the season finale of jersey shore on january 21 (works cited: google. hcc speech has taught me not to plagiarize.) ended. i'd like to pull a sue sylvester and state that i am completely and utterly serious that the mass amounts of depp in your hair distract me from learning newton's laws and static and kinetic friction. or, i can create friction by rubbing two gelled spikes together to start a fire. or just break off a spike and poke you in the eye with it. only if i get to poke mine first. i choose the latter.

man with yamaka.
since the iphone can only do so much and my stealth skills of blending in are sub-par, this is all i could get. lucky for you, i'll give a visual. jewdlebug had a yamaka on that had dollar bills all over it with some obscure pattern. dollars bills. i have a pair of toms that look like his yamaka, and now i'm second guessing whether i will ever wear them in public again.

strapless jumpsuit.
i immediately regretted taking this photo because i forgot that she could see me in the mirror taking a photo of her, which was painfully awkward. this is also where i had the run in with mi$$ bo$$. i don't know how anyone can possibly rock a strapless jumpsuit unitard made of spandex with looks of splattered paint over it and successfully pass as fashion forward. oh, and your tag is sticking out. that is the least of my concerns.

roller backpacks.
congratulations, you two. you are as cool as i was in 6th grade. which is a negative number on a scale of 1 to 10.

pigtails and polka dots.
too much for me going on for one human body. i wish i could handle that much trauma. more power to you, pippy.

harold pan.
he wears nothing wrong. harold pan eats wrong for breakfast. without any milk. he is just worthy of being in the post, for he is the new chuck norris.

harold, a hero.

think of the most awesome living person you know. someone that's on a pedestal. someone you love to tell stories about. who is this person for me? nobody but harold pan. and for that, he deserves a tribute. because he is my favorite person to talk about when somebody asks how summer school is going.

let me explain. i won't go into depth here, because you can ask me more about him. it's far better in person. harold pan is a guy in my summer school speech class. he's had me intrigued since day one. mind you, i've said no more than about 3 sentences to him. he's more of the appreciate from afar kind of lad. he says whatever he wants, when he wants. the very first impromptu speech he had was about southwest airlines. just because he felt like it. i quote, "why i like southwest airlines. you can fly to over 70 cities and if you buy 8 round trips you get on free. yaaaay southwest airlines." he's a gem. whenever he gives a sentence about southwest airlines, an angel gets it's wings. harold pan is also obsessed with chase bank. every time he stands up to speak, he calls himself the chase bank buddy. throughout just two weeks of knowing harold, i have learned the following.

1) he only likes strawberry jelly.

2) if he wants something, he'll say it when he wants, no matter who else is talking.

3) he likes broad swords.

4) he feels good about himself when he finds pennies.

5) he likes southwest airlines and would make love to it if he could.

6) how to make a transitional phrase work no matter what you are saying.

therefore, (transitional phrase. harold loves these. he used 10 of them during his 11 minute speech that was supposed between 3 and 5 minutes.) harold deserves a tribute. i spent my golden 4 hours of physics class this morning thinking of beautiful productions that could be made with harold alone. also, i don't want these to end. with harold, impossible is nothing.

exemplary novels

my harold's keeper

lord of the harolds

confederacy of harold

angels and harold

harold pan and the goblet of fire (my personal favorite.)

a tale of two harold's

of mice & harold

the scarlet harold

a farewell to harolds

harold copperfield

movies

harold's just not that into you

harold story 3, in 3d

the book of harold

a harold to remember

harold's out of my league

the harold side

the godharold (1,2, and 3. i'll make you a harold you can't refuse.)

star wars: the harold strikes back

how to train your harold

how to lose harold in 10 days

10 things i hate about harold (impossible. i hate nothing.)

the harold club

the curious case of harold pan

forgetting harold pan (also, impossible.)

harold and the giant peach

according to harold pan

all about harold

harold hears a who

harold in wonderland (on a southwest airlines plane.)

remember the harold

finding harold

harold and the technicolor dreamcoat

along came harold

harold's new groove (i'd pay great money.)

land before harold

harold inc.

sweet home harold pan

i love you, harold pan

oh harold, where art thou?

harold pan's day off

tv shows

harold's anatomy

the secret life of harold pan

harold pantana

two and a half harold's

what i like about harold

i love more than anything for all of the above to exist. and when the 5 weeks of summer school is over, i will still know that i can fly to 70 cities with southwest airlines. thanks, harold. this flight is for you.